The Edge Of Darkness Read online

  I knew the signs; it took years and years of perfecting the practice of becoming detached the way she was. I was really beginning to like Careless. Having a friend would be nice, but she wasn’t the type to commit, not even to a friendship.

  She was nice and all to me, and at times it felt like she liked flirting with the idea of opening up, but something always pulled her back. It was sad to think she would go through life keeping everyone at arm’s length.

  The only one she seemed to be remotely close to was Annie, and honestly, it was kind of hard to resist her sweet southern charm.

  It was that small affection she held for the older woman that made me cling to the hope that she wasn’t completely lost to a future of loneliness. I wondered how she was with her brothers, but I hadn’t seen either one of them since my first day there.

  I felt confused, wondering why Ryland went through so much trouble just to disappear the rest of the week.

  Shifting on my bed, I wrapped my feet and legs underneath me and leaned into the open window, seeking the fresh air. The light breeze swept the hair away from my face and washed over me, cooling my warm skin.

  The summer heat had leaked inside the tiny apartment, smothering the air in the room until I felt I was suffocating. I was forced to take refuge on my bed, staying by the window all day by myself. Not that it completely sucked. I liked sitting here with my eyes closed listening to the sounds below.

  Except lately, my mind found it hard to concentrate on anything other than Ryland.

  Every time I heard footsteps leading up to the room Careless and I were in, I held my breath, hoping it was him, but it never was, and my heart sank each time. Careless didn’t seem too pleased to find Ryland and me alone that first day and I wondered if maybe that was why he had stayed away.

  He didn’t seem like someone who obeyed rules, but something had kept him away. I knew eventually we would run into each other again and the thought made my heart jump. Ryland made me nervous, but he made me curious even more, and that left me wanting something more.

  My shoulders fell when I couldn’t ignore that tiny voice in the back of my thoughts that taunted me with the reminder that Ryland probably wouldn’t be interested in me once he found out. I knew he didn’t know. I wasn’t sure why Careless hadn’t told him, but the way he’d been with me confirmed what I already knew. He wouldn’t be in the dark forever, and I would worry about his reaction when that time came.

  I stayed in the same spot until the sun faded behind the lining of our building, slowly sinking into the horizon. I panicked when I realized I was late starting dinner. I dreaded having to deal with Nina and Carl when they got home to find it wasn’t waiting for them.

  It would be the reaction I expected, but lately, something was different with the two of them, Nina mostly. I usually triggered Nina’s short temper, and she’d go off like a loaded gun, but they seemed to be less angry with me. Although I wanted to enjoy the sudden change, I remained wary of them.

  Sure enough, they completely surprised me when they got home at their usual time and I only received a small grunt of annoyance from Carl when I told them dinner would be another fifteen minutes. We ate in mostly silence, but every once in a while Nina would throw in a question about my time with Careless, her family, and even Ryland.

  She didn’t like when my responses were short and vague, and she would snap at me and rant about my attitude until she got up from the table to get ready for bed. I wanted to ask her about going to the park tomorrow, but I knew she was angry and her answer would be no.

  Before I got in bed, I twisted my hands and bit the inside of my cheek. I lingered at the edge of my mattress in anticipation while I tried to work up the nerve to ask Nina about Sunday.

  “Is there something you want, Araya?” Nina asked from across the room.

  I lost my nerve. “No,” I mumbled and climbed into bed.

  Next time I would ask before I pissed her off.

  I spent the entire weekend trapped inside. Nina and Carl were gone all day Saturday running errands. I never went with them. They said I held them up and walked too slow. What they could get done in a few hours without me took all day when I went with them, so I stayed home.

  It was better this way anyway. I bruised easy, and my body always felt like I fell down a flight of stairs after a day out with them. By Sunday I could already feel the walls closing in around me and I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep until Tuesday, when I would see Careless next.

  Monday passed just as slowly and I wondered how I’d gone four years cooped up in this apartment.

  That night, as I lay in bed listening to the sounds that came only when the sun set, I tried to let the familiar lullaby put me to sleep—the hushed hum of the cars’ engines as they passed by below, the stray cat’s meows of loneliness and hunger.

  Somewhere below us, laughter, loud conversation, and even louder music came from an open window. Nothing seemed to work and I tossed and turned for another hour while I thought about what I would say to Ryland if I saw him tomorrow.

  Mostly, I just anticipated what he would do when he saw me. My thoughts followed me into my dreams, and I thought about Ryland’s hands, his lips, and his warmth when he was close to me.

  Sometime before dawn, I shot up in bed, and my heart pounded wildly. My hair was damp and stuck to my flushed skin. There was a strange ache low in my stomach and hips. I felt tingly all over and the urge to cover my breasts and squeeze my legs together confused me.

  Flopping back in bed, I lay on my side and pulled the pillow from underneath my head and put it between my thighs. I folded my arm under my head and when I closed my eyes, Ryland was there again.

  His mouth was doing wonderful things to my neck and his hands were all over me, but the tingle didn’t go away. I wanted more. I needed more, and his hands were moving down my body—

  My eyes flew open and I turned, burying my face into the mattress, and groaned loudly. I pressed my fingers into my hipbone and wished I could raise dawn into the sky a lot quicker.

  I lay there on my stomach for what seemed like an eternity, staring into darkness until it was finally time to get up and get ready. The entire time I felt like I was on fast-forward while Nina took her time getting ready.

  When I finally sat in the study with Careless, I was a ball of nerves the entire time, expecting him to walk through the doors at any second. I didn’t know if Ryland was even home and I hadn’t worked up the nerve to ask Careless yet. When Careless announced it was almost time, I knew that was my sign.

  It’s now or never, Araya, I thought.

  “Careless?” I started and took a deep breath.

  “Yeah?” she replied, and I was glad she wasn’t really paying attention as she shuffled through papers.

  “I forgot to ask if you had a good weekend.”

  Baby steps.

  “It was okay, I guess. I’m afraid to admit I have no life.” She laughed. “It was pretty quiet around here this weekend and that’s how I like it.”

  “It’s quiet around here today.”

  “Yeah, the parentals are gone today.”

  She mistook my meaning and I felt embarrassed.

  “No, I just meant I haven’t heard Annie moving around or… your brothers.” I kept my face down, but I knew she was looking at me now.

  “Sebastian’s nocturnal. You’ll rarely see him during daylight hours unless he’s setting kitchens on fire with Ryland.”

  I smiled. “Is Ryland nocturnal too?”

  I hoped it sounded like I was just trying to make conversation, but when she didn’t answer right away, I knew she wasn’t fooled and I wondered what she was thinking.

  “Ryland is… complicated. In our own ways, we all are actually. Ryland likes to hide it, I could care less about it, and Sebastian likes to flaunt it. I love my brothers, don’t get me wrong, but they’re both ass backwards when it comes to relationships. Ryland doesn’t commit—he can’t—so he sticks to his own ki
nd”

  His own kind?

  I knew Careless’s family had money, and by the size of their house, a lot of it. She didn’t talk about her parents ever, so I didn’t know what they did to have so much money, but it didn’t really matter either way. I wasn’t their kind. I touched the rounded neckline of my old, plain dress. It was one of the few that I had that still fit me.

  “Shit! Shoot!” she cursed and corrected quickly. She covered my hand with hers briefly and pulled away. That was out of her comfort zone. “I swear, I didn’t mean that the way it came out. I meant he stays with the emotionally crippled girls. We have our own club.” She joked. “Believe me, Araya, if I let Ryland, he would be all over you.” I blushed deep into my roots. “But you’re the kind of girl that still blushes, and I don’t mean that in a bad way, but Ryland would ruin that. Like I said, I love my brothers, but I like you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  I tried to swallow everything she just said, but she talked so fast I was still playing catch-up by the time she started again. “You’re too good for my brother, Araya, but you’re also both adults and I’m just warning you.”

  “Thank you.”

  It sounded lame, but what else was there to say? I didn’t expect to marry Ryland or even have any sort of relationship with him. I only thought up to seeing him again.

  In bed that night, all I could think about was something Careless had said. If I let Ryland, he would be all over you. I only allowed myself to focus on the first half of that statement. I wouldn’t survive another night of dreams about Ryland. What had she meant by if I let him? Had she given him a warning too? Warned him to stay away from me? It made me feel better to think that was the reason he hadn’t sought me out after the first day.

  A month came and went and I’d given up on seeing Ryland again. He was obviously taking Careless’s warning serious, so I would too. It was for the best anyway. I wasn’t any better for him than he was for me. I’d stopped thinking about him during my visits with Careless, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep him from my dreams at night.

  Careless stuck to us working outside and I was happy about that. The fresh air and the freedom of being outside for a few hours a day was perfect.

  The only downside was that my bladder seemed to be working double time and I had to go to the bathroom for the second time since arriving. I felt bad that Careless had to take me yet again, but there was no way I could navigate through the maze she called home on my own.

  When I finished, she wasn’t there to greet me like normal. I debated whether to chance it on my own. I felt brave so I followed the path we’d come from.

  I ended up outside, but I was positive it was nowhere I needed to be since Careless wasn’t around. It smelled so sweet, but I didn’t recognize the scent. I would ask Careless to work on this side next time.

  I turned around to go back the way I came and crashed into something hard. A strong hand caught my elbow and pulled me close. His smell was all around me and I knew it was Ryland. I looked up at him, and neither one of us said anything at first. I wanted to know what he saw, what he was thinking, but I didn’t have the nerve to ask him.

  “Hi,” I finally said.

  “Hi,” he whispered. “How are you?”

  “I’m lost.” A shade of pink followed my confession.

  “I’ve lived here my whole life and I still get lost sometimes.” He teased.

  “Is that why you haven’t been around lately?” I bit my lip, wishing I’d bit my tongue.

  He chuckled “You noticed?”

  I dropped my head and twisted my hands, not trusting myself to respond. He moved in closer and his knuckle trailed up my throat, lifting my chin up toward him.

  “Yes, I noticed,” I finally said.

  He didn’t say anything, and I felt like my heart was trying to escape.

  The heat in my cheeks made me think about Careless’s warning. At the time, it had been easy to follow, but I hadn’t taken into consideration how I would feel when I was close to him again. Right and wrong had taken a flying leap, along with common sense and my body’s natural ability to breathe as he backed me up against the wall.

  Ryland

  Eight

  Staying away from Araya had given new meaning to my self-control. It stretched the already thin line of my limitations, and seeing Araya fumble through the hallway, lost, my restraint snapped.

  It was easy to lose your way around here. The house was lavishly decorated, but everything was so neutral and covered in every shade of bright white there was. Everything blended together and you could never tell if you’d walked out of one room just to walk into the same room again. I followed her out onto the deck knowing we would have some time before Careless came looking for her.

  I’d lasted longer than I thought possible and that had to count for something, right? I tried most of the time to stay away from the house when I knew Araya would be there, and that had worked… for the first week. The temptation was too strong and I found myself looking for excuses to stay home, and last week had been my breaking point because I finally figured out what it was about Araya that was different.

  I caught a glimpse of Careless and Araya outside and stood there watching them. They’d been laughing about something and although it was nice to see Careless so happy, I couldn’t take my eyes off Araya.

  It was no surprise she wore those sunglasses, but I was too distracted to be irritated by them this time. I watched as her head fell back, sending the flames of her hair down her back. The messy waves framed her face and my fingers twitched to run through them. Her dress was tight around her breasts and waist, and every time she laughed, my attention was pulled to the creamy skin of her cleavage that I knew would smell like fresh flowers.

  I held my breath when she flipped the sunglasses to the top of her head and her eyelids fluttered closed before I could see anything as she rubbed her fingers under her eyes.

  And then she looked right at me.

  I thought about hiding, but what was the point when I’d already been caught? I stared at her, waiting for the sweet blush that lingered across her skin when I was around, but she didn’t. She just stared through me as if I wasn’t there.

  At first I thought she was mad at me. I knew she felt a connection, a spark or whatever it was girls called it, when we met and I figured she was pissed that I blew her off. There were two things wrong with my theory.

  The first: Araya didn’t seem like that kind of girl, and as quickly as I thought it, I squashed the idea. I didn’t need to know her long enough to know that she was too innocent to be vindictive and act like a spoiled brat.

  The second was simple. I knew exactly why she was looking at me like that.

  Everything added up now, from what Careless had said to the way Araya moved to those damn sunglasses. She was looking through me because she couldn’t see me.

  She was blind.

  I felt like an ass for not noticing it before, but she was good at disguising it. That’s why she wore the sunglasses all the time. From behind the lenses she could hide her blindness and no one would ever be the wiser. Including me.

  I stood there watching her for a while through the window. For some reason it didn’t surprise me how graceful she was. She was light on her feet, almost flittering through the room. I groaned, shaking my head at the word flittering. Guys didn’t say worlds like that.

  I’d walked away, deciding I was done avoiding Araya. I was even more intrigued and the urge to know everything about her was boiling under the surface of my curiosity. I could control myself. I could be friends with Araya and not ruin what she had going on with Careless. Careless liked her and she liked her more than she let on when she wasn’t around. I wouldn’t take that away from her. I could be just friends with Araya. I could.

  Except here we were now. Hearing her breathless confession knocked the wind from me, and suddenly I doubted my own conviction of restraint. She had this way of looking at me that made my heart b
eat just a little bit faster. I knew she couldn’t see me, but I felt like that only made it easier for her to see directly inside me, and that scared the hell out of me.

  I didn’t like feeling backed into a corner, and it didn’t matter that she wasn’t doing it on purpose. She was doing it.

  For reasons beyond my comprehension, I wanted to shock her. I wanted to unnerve her, unravel that sense of grace she consumed. She seemed so poised and unaffected by me, and I wanted to prove that she was, or in the very least had been before I started avoiding her. I needed to prove that to her and to myself.

  The sunglasses had to go.

  Without giving it another thought, I pulled the frames from her face and folded them into my palm. She stared forward, looking shocked, and then her eyes lifted toward me and I couldn’t stop staring at her. It had nothing to do with the noticeable scars around her eyes or even their odd color. Because despite all that, she was beautiful.

  I wanted to take step back. Away from the pale green eyes touching parts of me I didn’t even know existed anymore. Away from the soft pink lips that glistened under the sun’s light as she ran her tongue over them nervously. It disappeared behind her lips and I wanted nothing more than to crush her to me and follow it. Sex was an intimacy I could do. What she was doing was beyond my comfort level.

  But she was like a magnet and she pulled me to her. I moved in on her, invading every fragment of space between us until we became one seamless line, and I clipped her chin, lifting it toward me. Her breath caught and the soft fullness of her breasts pushed against my chest as her breathing accelerated.

  Her reaction was what I wanted, what I needed to feel. My hand wrapped around her neck and my thumb stroked the soft buzz of her pulse at her neck, and her skin hummed.

  “You remind me of a hummingbird,” I told her, pushing her hair away from her eyes. “So dainty and tiny. Do you hear that?” I asked. I nuzzled the arch of her neck and her head fell to the side, her lips parting on a sigh.